I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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