#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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