At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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