We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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