I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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