My Higher Power is John Stamos
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
