No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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