Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
