i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
