; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
