when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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