I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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