This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
