i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
