Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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