So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why do cheetos always look like penises
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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