The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
