Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
