god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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