This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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