i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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