I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
