Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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