I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokรฉmon. What a time to be alive.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
