Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
