Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
