her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
