Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My bed smells like the plague
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