is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just pee around me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize