i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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