Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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