i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
