The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
