i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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