Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
