No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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