Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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