I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
