Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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