Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
