Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm like, not good at living.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
