I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
