I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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