And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
