Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
