trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize