I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
