If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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