i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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