Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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