what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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