it was like eating out sand paper
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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