I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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