I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
