So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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