I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
