when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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