Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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