Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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