the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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