Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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