So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
