In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
