Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
