Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
