I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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