My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
