She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
