You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I could fuck to npr.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
